…you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.–Psalm 16:10

I remember thinking it was completely unfair for God to condemn good people. Then I learned there is no one who is good, save one. I learned [realized, accepted] I was filled with evil and could not go even a few minutes without doing or thinking something evil. Ok, so I was finally out of denial. Cool. Or not. I mean, I don’t know about you but denial works well for me.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Born 12/11/1918The outspoken Russian dissident writer and Nobel Prize recipient, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, was sent to the Gulag for speaking such truths behind the Soviet Iron Curtain. “If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being: and who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”

So, God condemns good sinners? hmmm. Well, I’m a very good sinner. And I cannot stop nor overcome. But this still did not seem fair! However, I dare not raise my hand in Bible Study– My teacher and classmates might discover I was indeed just an ignorant sinner. Yes, better to remain in the dark. Thankfully, our God is a patient and loving teacher: Mark 10:21, Jesus looked at him and loved him… God gave my teacher answers to my many unspoken questions. I thought, Wow, this teacher’s really smart! My teacher no doubt often wondered if she was ever getting through.

And all the while, Jesus looked on us and loved us.

God would not abandon my soul to hell. Or even to the life of hell I had condemned myself to live (that B.C. life I used to call livin’). Where I am powerless to overcome my sins, His Holy One is all powerful and able to overcome the sins of the world. His Holy One, an innocent, would be condemned by us to suffer and die for us.

And I remember thinking, well that’s not fair!
And Jesus looked at me and loved me.
And I learned from whom it was I’d been learning.

I am amazed and thankful that He does not abandoning us even though we abandon Him. Amazed and thankful that He is loving and merciful rather than fair. I want to learn these ways. I want to learn to stop giving people what they deserve and instead to exude this radical and completely undeserved mercy and love.