Ghost #12: Illness

may develop chronic physical illnesses
Oddly enough, this ghost is at best a minor part in my life. My digestive issues and my chronic sinus headaches may be exacerbated by the S in my PTSD. How much, I do not know.
I know of other abused children who have grown up to struggle with their physical health [...]

Ghost #11: Over-Responsible

over-responsible ??
Yesterday’s ghost, guilt, ended with, “Its too much for me.”  Veiled in those final two words is the twisted thinking of the ghost of over-responsibility. We’ve all heard of being irresponsible, now for peak at the flip-side.
If only I had be braver, stronger, faster, smarter, … I could have prevented, averted, stopped, fought against, [...]

Ghost #10: Guilt

…self blame and/or excessive guilt…
Do I have to write about this Ghost?
I shouldered the blame for just over four decades. My thoughts were I was guilty, am gulty, always will be guilty. Somehow that was okay with me… until last year… when the weight of the self blame and excessive guilt crushed me.
I felt guilty [...]

Ghost #9: Self-Passivity

…no action regarding self – passivity towards self.
Passivity towards myself is fueled by a perverse need to punish myself. This ghost has me under the impression I deserve whatever pain may come my way. Protecting myself would feel like a plea for mercy and a plea of innocence – two things of which [...]

Ghost #8: X-treme Thinking

…often thinks in extremes.
This is All-or-Nothing. Black-and-White. This Ghost of Xtreme Thinking ignores the fact that most things in life are shades of grey rather than absolutes. This ghost deftly twists Christian theology away from we-are-all-sinners to we-are-all-failures to I-am-a-failure.
I set rigid, high standards and when I did not live up to them, I became [...]

Ghost #7: Under-Reactive

…exhibits under-reactivity in a personal crisis.
I see this ghost as strongly related to the ghost of Numb and Avoidance. Actually, I see under-reactivity as a symptom of the other two. I hope this ghost is not too offended with my assessment
When first hit with crisis information, I can immediately shut down all reaction, [...]

Ghost #6: Avoidance

Adults who were abused as children often exhibit a compulsive behavior of avoidance and distancing.
DingDingDing. We have a winner.
The Ghost of Avoidance is my ghost king.
Not here on my blog so much. But in face-to-face situations, oh yeah.
I learned to make myself scarce a long time ago. Hiding served me well.
My guide is helping me [...]

Ghost #5: Intimacy

Writing about this ghost is a little difficult. We all need intimacy, where intimacy refers to our deepest personal self being brought to the surface in a safe relationship.
In the past, I would seek intimacy daily through words and touch. I would always be attempting, however ridiculous it may sound, to back-fill a gaping hole [...]

Ghost #4: Fear

This ghost (characteristic) is simply listed as Dominant Emotion: Fear.
I lived in fear. Fear of speaking out. Fear of not speaking out. Fear of the inevitable fall-out… that has and is occurring.
Living with the lies means living with the fear.
Living in the truth means embracing the pain of that truth.
I know, in my cranium, embracing [...]

Ghost #3: Numb

Technically, this ghost is listed on the Characteristics of Abused People (a.k.a., 13 Ghosts) as: High pain tolerance (physical and/or emotional).
Those who know my aversion to pain, and dentists in general, are laughing right now. They are thinking, No way he’s haunted by this ghost! I wish.
I remember in the 6th grade when a [...]