Yourbackyard, US — A middle-class, eastern, orthodox, poly-damnational church came under a firestorm of criticism when its members voted to ban a mixed-race, transmillennial-genXer, same-sex couple from participation in all church functions.
Well, except for funerals. When asked for comment, the ban’s advocate, Mr. Ben A. Phrade (52) said, “Of course it’s not a complete ban. I mean, they can still come to funerals! We would be more than happy to bury them when their time comes.”
On December 1st, 2012, the Good News Free For All Church in Yourbackyard voted 6 out of 9 to ban all such couples from their church. B. A. Phrade clarified, “The 6 – 9 vote should not be viewed as any endorsement or prohibition of any implied double entendre.”
Laughing, he added, “I’m kidding of course. I mean, I don’t even know what any of that means.”
The problem started when Stacy (24) came home for thanksgiving with fiance Terry (28) in tow and they performed the song, “How Great is Our God”, which, for obvious reasons, repulses just about everyone anymore.
Phrade explained, “Their ignorance of hip worship is a common symptom of trans-millennial-genXer couples. I mean listen, we’re an open church. We don’t care if you’re black and we don’t care if you’re a girly-man. We just cannot condone, much less affirm, the mixing of these two extremely troubled generations. God forbid they start producing offspring!”
But… they’re a same-sex couple?!
“Ric, are you one of those homosexuals, too?”
So this is about their genitals?
“No, no … of course not. That song has the same impact irregardless of the color of their genitalia.”
So this is about their race?
“Listen, Ric, you’re white, right, married, and possess external genitalia, right? Why don’t you sit here silently like the others.”
Speaking of which, what about the silent outrage brewing in the living rooms of the majority of Christians who believe your views are wrong?
Phrade proudly quipped, “I’m not here to please men.”
And then he winked, adding, “Besides, I’m not that narrow; I have a wide stance.”
Ben A. Phrade’s penchant for pleasing other men aside, Stacy, Terry, and this song are asking a compelling question: How great is our God?
Filed under: aaarrrrgggghhh!!, homosexuality, Humor, Racism
