My next-door neighbors had their huge, dying tree removed this past weekend. This process always amazes me.

Its a little like radical pruning, I think.

…did not go off. I don’t know why.

lets see, thats 2*pi*93,000,000*50 frequent flyer miles!

my bride made me french toast this morning. my project manger bought me a blueberry muffin. oh, an’ i slept in (to 6:30)!

so this is what life after 50 is like? cool.

I will be attending a team reunion this evening. I worked with a few hundred folks in the 80’s and early 90’s supporting NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center (GSFC) in Maryland. I am very much looking forward to reuniting with some old faces (some, like mine, are older faces). Some are retired. Some are retiring. One notable friend, Don, left this world far too soon. I will have to wait for that reunion.

If you ever have trouble sleeping you can always google “eric booth computer sciences corporation” and read some of my dryer, more technical work from those long ago years. After 1 and 1/2 pages you should be snoring. If, however, you actually become more alert and find yourself digging through these ancient texts, you might consider professional help.

but then, “work” is a strong word.

I’m thinking we need a footnote: Stop re-reading this sign and pay attention to your task at hand!

I also have to resist editing. Shouldn’t “Lift seat when …” be “Lift seat before …”?

This is the new chapter we began back then. He was a little upset but we were proud parents even then.

after a 24 hour delay, Eric took the oath and is now on his way to the navy basic training facility at great lakes.

…may go on to abuse others and/or abuse self.

Number thirteen is the ugliest ghost of them all. In my personal life, the focus of my scorn, anger, and contempt has always been me. I treated myself in a manner I would not wish upon the most despicable among us. I simply did not love who I am.

Here are the questions I struggled with this year:

• If a child witnesses a crime and does not tell, what does that make him? Guilty or Scared?
• If an adult chooses to trust someone, who is guilty of past criminal behavior, what does that make him? Forgiving or Naive?
• But what if an adult chooses to trust someone, who is guilty of past criminal behavior, with his children… What would that make him then? Clueless? Enabler? Accessory?

My ghosts would have me believe I am a guilty, naive, and clueless man who enabled criminal behavior.

I know (in my cranium) the answer to each question is actually one word, traumatized. It took me a while (okay, decades) to realize this is where I camped out. Moved in. Lived. Oddly enough, traumatized was my comfort zone. My normal.

Moving away from traumatized meant moving out towards all those painful answers — not to camp there in the pain — but to get past all the pain to something unseen. Unseen by me at least.

So I am venturing, ever so painstakingly, towards new territory, my new normal. And although I do not much care for it, it is the truth and, as my friend likes to point out, the truth will set you free.

may develop chronic physical illnesses

Oddly enough, this ghost is at best a minor part in my life. My digestive issues and my chronic sinus headaches may be exacerbated by the S in my PTSD. How much, I do not know.

I know of other abused children who have grown up to struggle with their physical health for decades. It is so heartbreaking to witness. I suppose that is how others might feel watching me struggle with my other ghosts. Sorry for that.

If I am missing something here, please let me know.

I can take this opportunity to reveal the ghost I deleted. On the original list there are 14 Characteristics. The one I did not included is Loss of relationship with God. Turning on him, refusing him, denying him. Been there. Done that. But then, who hasn’t. Or, more to the point, who isn’t?