I wrote cast•a•way in December 2006 and, after some tweaks, posted it on March 10th, 2007.

I am reposting it because I now realize I wrote this 22 months ago to have it ready for this day.

Castaway attempts to answer the question, “What does the cycle of evil look like?” A follow-up question might be, “And why does Ric seem know so much about it?”

In our typical fix-it mode, we ask, “How on earth can we stop this!!??” Of course, the sobering answer is, we cannot. We lack that kind of power. Even more sobering is the fact that even if we could stop this cycle, we would not.

Fortunately, we are not the ones in control.

castaway, cast•away, cast•a•way
by ric booth

i know how to lie, my dad i would be,
i learned how to hide from hope and all dreams
i know how to be the nicest of whores
i learned how to see your love as a chore
i know how to whore my heart without shame
i learned how to store my guilt and my pain
i know how to shame the thief from my cell
i learned how to blame this world for my hell
i know how to sell the lies that can kill
i learned how to tell these lies from my will
i know how to kill with words from my tomb
i learned how to till my pain in the womb
i know how to tomb a child’s lone hope
i learned how to doom; give judas his rope
i know how to hope you die while i seethe
i learned how to cope to stay off my knees
i know how to seethe; so scared i would rage
i learned how to teeth on bars of my cage
i know how to rage, the screams in my mind
i learned how to wage my war on your kind
i know how to mind my p’s and my q’s
i learned how to find my time without you
i know how to queue my vilest of deeds
i learned how to lure my friends in the weeds
i know how to deed all evil i know
i learned how to seed a child’s lost soul
i know how to know when teaching my hate
i learned how to sow the lies of my fate
i know how to hate the one i should love
i learned how to bait my lies with your dove
i know now your Love.
your death for my sin.
i learn from above
now living in Him.
i feel all my sin.
i spit in your face.
i’ve learned i can’t win.
i’m quitting this chase.
i hear now and face
my echoes roll past.
i’ve learned not to waste,
the years go by fast.
i see now my past.
i cringe at my lies.
i’ve learned just how vast
my sin is and cry.
my children know lies.
it’s me they would be,
they learned how to hide
from hope and all dreams.

dead me i can’t be,
seen tied to my stone.
cast me to the sea
then bring them all home.

And whosoever shall cause one of these little ones that believe on me to stumble, it were better for him if a great millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.
–Mark 9:42 (ASV)



10 Responses

  1. “Even more sobering is the fact that even if we could stop this cycle, we would not.”

    Truly spoken like one with an appreciation for reformed theology. The whole thing really.

  2. Wow, Ric. That’s some pretty heavy material. Do you feel differently about yourself now compared to then? I am thankful God is in control and leading the way.

  3. wow. that is heavy.

  4. I don’t know how to describe my feelings when I read this. All I can say is so much of that is where I am at right now in my life. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Thanks William. Someday I might study theology.

    Ron, I’ve discovered that I do feel differently than most people.

    It feels heavy Tam.

    I am sorry for your heavy heart Braveone.

  6. Ric, I agree with Tam that is a very heavy poem, written no doubt with a very heavy heart.

    All your poems are written from your heart, that is what makes them so honest.

    It is good you have found someone who can lift that weight off your heart.

  7. Yeah Ed, it is good to have someone who can lift the weight… I usually wish he would lift a little faster… until it is all lifted. It is usually only then I see God’s hand working everything out in perfect timing.

  8. A powerful lament. Deeply felt.

    I pray that your poems will help people look inside themselves and embrace the freedom of their inadequacy.

    Why this day, my brother? The cabin is available…

  9. Thank you Ric, this speaks loudly to so much pain and torment, and puts up truth, and we walk in that now…all forgiven, both us and them…woe to the unforgiven when they wake to find a milestone around their neck…no wonder Jesus said..Father forgive them, they know not what they do.. Love you Brother!!

  10. Yes Bad. Maybe by next weekend.

    Actually Darla, I hear that verse as Jesus talking to me or at least the dead man who persists within me.

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